Sometimes spending time with the people you love most could be the most agonizing event, because it makes it much harder to part.
Having the sheer responsibility as a transitioning under-graduate, to prepare for the next six years of life, settling logistics, placements, documents, revives the trepidation I once experienced two years ago. But, it wasn’t as bad then as I somewhat had a touch of confidence that six months will fly by quickly (which it in a way did). However, here I am, buried in another I-don’t-really-know-what-to-feel transition, as we are sent to build a life in another land, to educate ourselves to prepare for our future.
The break has provided me such luxury to spend time with people who’ve built lives together; a base here I’ve laid for myself as a girl who grew up among the satellites of Kuala Lumpur, who went cycling all throughout my childhood with neighbourhood friends that a new scenario of frantic, worry, and is-ivonne-missing is seen penetrating from within, in the airs of my home, on the visages of loved ones.
The people I’ve been with all throughout eleven years of school, exchange friends who travelled half the world in unity, church friends who became siblings that inspired and watched over me like a little girl, even though I wasn’t that little anymore.
Too much to comprehend, to express, to say. And, in a few months time, I shall be bidding goodbye..
It wasn’t easy readjusting after being away for six months; what will it be like for six years?
My nephews will be grown, friends getting married, lots will change. And I will be missing everything.
Perhaps I wouldn’t find it this trepidating if I hadn’t been through it before; perhaps the fear of it happening all over again, and possibly in a deeper manner, makes me afraid to face it.
But, I believe that above all of these slightly turmoil-ing thoughts and emotions, an assurance that God is our refuge.
When home is far far away, people you love are months/years distant in time, a million miles distant in geography, God is our Alpha and Omega, our Beginning and our End.
To achieve great things, takes great sacrifices.
But He will ensure that our sacrifices produce abounding fruits, like how a mother has to “put her feet into the coffin” to bring to life a child into this world, the results will be beyond amazing, and we know that “all things work for good to those who love Him and live according to His purposes.”
Yes, I think I’m a big time ‘jiwang’, goodbyes will be hard, but I shall toughen up, and face the future whom my Creator has prepared for me.
Amen.
